Atonement
by Celtic karate
Summary: A little take on an AU after Gibbs comes back from Mexico. Feature some hidden family of Gibbs. Read and Review.


A/N: Randomly long one-shot that I came up with ages ago and just finished typing. I decided to use the other ring from the other "A Choice." Hope you like; read a review it makes my day. (Or you could give me one for my birthday on the 27th, hint, hint; nudge, nudge)

Atonement

I ran up the steps to Jethro's house, but I didn't get very far. I felt a pair of arms grab me and throw me back towards my car. I looked up and saw a face I thought I would never see again. Isla. She was Jethro's niece and one of the lights of his life. I had meet her the first time I had a night shift stake out here stateside; she was 15 at the time and spending a week with him, hence why he had the night shift with me, the Probie. She was beautiful and I knew from watching how they acted around each other that he was more 'dad' then 'uncle' to her. He doted on her and helped her with anything, but she didn't live with him.

The last time I saw her was two years later; she dropped him off at the airport and waited until she saw our plane take off for Europe. On the plane ride Jethro told me that she was moving to California for school and she didn't think that she would come back to the east coast unless he got married again. She seemed okay at the time. She was short with brown hair, a color I am told that Jethro had before the silver came along. Her eyes were a cold blue, almost white. Normally they seemed like tropic seas, but at this moment they were colder than the Artic and I knew that she was holding back her fury with every ounce of control she possessed.

Now the question was: why was she so furious? I intended to find out.

"What they hell!? Do you want to be arrested for assaulting a federal agent?"

"Well, I'm CIA, NSA and HSA as well as NCIS; so you'd have to find me. And that will be impossible; not even McGee or Abby could find me if I wish to remain hidden." She seethed and her voice was low and her breathing off; like she was trying to take a shit but it wasn't coming out.

"Still: what the Hell was that for?" Now my breathing was labored; no one manhandled me; no one.

"I cannot let you in this house. Not this time Jenny." She seemed to be calming down.

"Why?" As she calmed down; I grew angrier.

"Well for one: he's not there and two: I won't let you break his heart again. Twice is enough."

"Twice?" Now I was angry and confused. It was just the once, not twice.

"Yes, twice. Once when he came back without you and once again when he came back for you." She seemed to deflate and sit on the steps. I sat next to her.

"Please explain." I asked softly. _For me? He came back for the job, which is what he told me._

"Alright, but you'd better listen carefully. He loved you. Loved you like he loved Shannon. And don't think that was a comparison between the two of you. I just meant that he acted like the old Gunny and not the new Gunny; the Gunny he was with Diane. I told him as I dropped him off that I was heading to Cali and wouldn't come back. But I did; I couldn't stay away. I came back home with enough time to take my mom's place to pick him up. I was expecting to get both of you and for the two of you to act like you were in love.

"He'd call me whenever he could and he told me that you two were involved. Tom let him come see me once his mission in Paris was over before I returned stateside. He seemed so _happy_ so in love and I was ecstatic for him; he deserved it. I came back home and picked him up at the airport; just him.

"And he was back to how he was the first few years after Shannon and Kelley. He was withdrawn and sullen; I know he's like that at work, but not with me. He spent all of his time at work or at the bar. I was called every day for the first three weeks to come pick his drunken ass up. I know it continued after I returned to school, but it was Ducky's job to take care of him then. But that wasn't the half of it.

"He stopped caring. He still got up and showered and went to work, but he stopped being careful. Those first few weeks he had so many accidents with perps. None was serious enough to warrant a hospital visit or pain killers, but he acted like he was trying to get himself killed only to back away at the very end.

"That last week, week four, he went without me picking him up the entire time; the case was a Childs' kidnap. Some crazy civilian kidnapped a Gunny's two kids, daughters. He worked his team into the ground to get them back. He did it and came back to the house and buried himself in his basement. Three hours later I came down to tell him that I was heading to my mother's when I found him staring down the barrel of his gun; again. His finger was on the trigger.

"At first I thought it had to do with the case; children did this to him, as did dead wives killed while their spouse was at war. But he started to talk. 'I can't do this without her' 'she's my everything, everything good that ever happened to me.' 'Without her I'm nothing." He continued in that vein for a long time, as I just inched myself closer to him. I thought that he meant Shannon or Kelly but then he said your name and pleaded with the imaginary you to come back.

"I made it to his side and pulled the gun away and got him to his pallet under the boat, or it would have been except that it wasn't there; he'd burned it when he returned; too many memories of you. Of him teaching you how to work on the boat.

"I left and Ducky set him up with Stephanie. She seemed to be different than the others. But Ducky told me that he'd had nightmares about you. He filed for divorced and they quietly settled. She's the only wife he doesn't pay alimony to, besides Diane when she married Fornell. Though he fought having to pay Ginger, because she cheated on him while he was on ship running an investigation into the Agent Afloat onboard the ship. Anyways, after the divorce he seemed to do better, though he did have a fit last year; I don't know why, didn't ask, and didn't care.

"I was in the middle of a very important test: the board test for my medical license when I got word of the explosion. I arrived here just in time to take him to the airport after Ducky dropped him off. He came back; as a favor to Ziva then again, but this time I met him for lunch.

"He told me that he wanted to get back with you, even if it meant staying in retirement. But he found out that you were dating his doctor and you threw it in his face. He was pissed. He found Todd's image and took it to a shooting range and destroyed the image. I helped, even though I wanted the image to be of you." She paused for breath and let her words sink in. When they did; tears started to pour down my face and not wanting to show her any signs of weakness; I hid them from her.

"You know, both you and Gunny think certain things are weakness and others are not to be ashamed of." She commented lightly.

"What do you mean?"

"You think tears are a sign of weakness; Jethro doesn't. He told me when we buried my mother last year that 'you should never be ashamed of tears;' you on the other hand, think that tears are weakness. Gunny thinks 'sorry' is weakness while you think it takes strength." She commented lightly. We sat in silence before she stood up in her dark blue scrubs.

"I'm going to change out of my scrubs; I would like for you to sit here and think. When I come out if your still here you need to tell me if you want to find him. If you find him; to me that tells me that you are going back to him, if he'll take you. If you're not here, then I'll think you just want him as your agent. Take your time; I'll be back." She told me and headed into the house.

I did as she told, not really ready to leave or make a choice. _Did I still love him?_ Yes, I did. I never stopped. _Why Todd?_ Because he saved Jethro, and I felt hurt that I never knew about his family and why he'd been married so many times. _Do I want him?_ Love and want are different, but yes I did want him: mind, body and soul; even if I had to share him with the memories of his family. _Am I willing to break my rules to be with him?_ He broke his rule to be with me, so yes if he wants me I will do anything to have him. _Can I open up to him about what is happening, has happened?_ That I didn't know, but I was willing to give it a try; I had to, or I would lose him . . . again.

I was determined and started planning on what to say when I saw him; so focused on my thoughts that I didn't realize Isla had returned. She cleared her throat and I jumped and my heart started to race.

"It's just me." She sighed and I looked at her; she had a toddler on her hip; that had her head in her mother's neck. I stood up with a sad smile; I knew that I would have had a child if I had stayed with Jethro, maybe more than one.

"Who is this?" I asked as I stood up. She kissed the little girl's forehead.

"My daughter Kayla."

"She's precious."

"And the light of my life. Have you decided?"

"I want him back. I don't care what the cost is." My voice was thick with determination and I watch as she smiled.

"What do you think Kayla; should we tell her where Grandpa is?"

"Will she make Grandpa smile, again?" She asked looking at me.

"I hope so, baby girl" Isla told her daughter.

"Then tell her mommy." Isla nodded and turned her attention back to me.

"He's at their graves, be cautious his like a wounded animal when he's there. Wait for him to come to you." She told me and I paused in my desire to rush to my car long enough to nod, not trusting my voice to speak. Then I took off for my car. I drove like a mad woman to the cemetery but when I reached the gates I slowed down and started looking for him. His car was near the back so I parked next to his car and I made my way until I saw him kneeling between two graves. The graves were near my Father's.

I didn't want him buried near the people who tried to oust him as a traitor; so I buried him away from them all. I walked past Jethro; making sure he saw me as I made my way to my father's grave. I sat sideways near his headboard, keeping Jethro in my line of sight. Then it hit me; this was the first time I'd visited my dad since Jethro came back and my eyes welled up tears once again. I leaned my head against the gravestone and start to sob.

In my head I am cursing my life, my father's death, my need for revenge as it all cost me a life with the man grieving a few rows down from me. At least he was; but I felt his strong arms around me; I know they were his arms as I used to have them wrapped around me every night, I smelt that perfect mixture of coffee, sawdust and bourbon. I melted and twisted around and wrapped my arms around him as I buried my head in his neck. I felt him sink down to sit and he pulled me into his lap.

His arms just held me and rocked me in his lap; he didn't press his lips anywhere near me, but I didn't care; he was holding me, he was here. Eventually I calmed down and my tears subsided into hiccups and my hiccups to heavy breathing almost hyperventilating. He just continued to hold me tightly and rock me back and forth as I continued to calm down.

Finally after ten minutes of me crying I was only drawing in shuddering gasps of air, but I still stayed in his arms. I moved my arms from around his waist to around his neck as I whispered the same phrase over and over again: "I'm so, so sorry." I could feel the tears start to well up again as I clung to him as we sat on the grass in front of my father's grave.

Jethro just let me stay in his arms as the emotions built back up inside of me.

I calmed down once again and moved away from his arms and off of his lap; I knew that if I stayed there, I would just start crying again. I sat on the grass next to him and brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs while resting my chin on top of my knees.

"Why did you come back, Jethro? And don't lie to me, just please give me the truth." I begged him in a soft voice.

"To be with you." Was his answer in his gruff voice. My heart dropped when I heard that; Isla was right.

"And now, what's keeping you here?" I asked in a very soft and quiet voice. I was almost afraid of the answer.

"I just can't let you go without a fight; but I don't think there is any need for a fight." His voice was equally soft and he I knew he was watching my profile as I avoided making with eye contact. I didn't want him to see the hope I had gleaming in my eyes.

"Why do you not need to fight?" Now another though occurred to me; what if he thought that I had moved on and didn't love him anymore. My heart raced with dread of his answer, but at the same time there was a beating of hope inside my heart.

I could see him smirk at me from the corner of my eye, so I decided to through caution to the wind and turned my head to face him fully.

"I don't need to fight, because I already have you. I can't fight for what I already have; but I can fight to keep it." He told me, and I looked down and tried to fight the tears that were building; again. I felt his hand cup my chin and I let him raise my head up to meet his eyes. His eyes are soft and the wrinkles framing it are caused by the small smile tugging at his lips. I let myself get lost in his eyes; eyes that have captivated time and time again. I unwrap my arms from around my legs and use one to support my weight as I lean forward and use the other hand to trace the lines around his eyes, as they suck me more into their icy sapphire depths.

I didn't feel myself lean further, but eventually I was no longer looking into his eyes as I traced the skin around them; I was instead kissing him as the hand that traced his skin cupped his cheek. He kissed me back, not letting me deepen it, and when I pulled apart I remembered where we were. In a graveyard. I let him pull me back into his arms and I turned to where my back was to his chest and spoke to my father's headstone.

"You'd be happy for me, Dad. I broke down and let someone help me. This is Jethro Dad, and he has been through some tough times too. I don't know how or why, but I fell in love with him. But your death stilled weighed on me; I never have and I never will believe the story that you killed yourself. The need to avenge your death outweighed my new found love for Jethro so I left him for you. And I regret that decision, because you're still dead; whether or not you did it by your own hand. I wasted almost seven years with him in order to get to a place where I could order an investigation into who I thought was responsible for your death." The tears started pouring down my face and I turned my face toward Jethro's neck as I let him absorb what I was telling him through the guise of telling my father.

Time stilled as my tears slowly stopped and dried on my cheeks as he just held me. Finally I decided to finish telling my father and Jethro my speech.

"I came here today to tell you that I wasn't doing it anymore. I'm pulling Tony and moving on. You're dead no matter what I do now. I am moving on and I'm doing it with a man who I love and who loves me. Please don't be mad at me Daddy, and just be happy for me. I'll see you next month." I said and moved from Jethro's arms and stood up. He stood up slowly behind me and I started moving back to our cars. I noticed that he wasn't following me and knew that he didn't stop at his families' graves because we hadn't passed them yet.

So I turned around and found him standing at my father's grave still, with his hands buried in his pockets. I waited for him and then I heard him speak.

"Sir, I don't know how you did it, but you raised a beautiful daughter. You should be proud of her. I can't promise you that'll I keep her safe, because we both have dangerous jobs. But I can promise you that I'll keep her happy as long as she wants me." He spoke straight on like my father was standing before him and gave him a salute before turning with military precision and rejoining me. I slid my hand into his and let him led me to wherever we were going. The emotional roller coaster I've been on all evening has me exhausted, so I was glad to let him led.

He took me to his car and helped me into the passenger side. I raised my eyebrow at him; silently asking about my car.

"Do you need anything in or car?" He asked and I shook my head in a 'no.' "Do you have any sensitive information in there?" Again I shake my head. "Then we'll get it in a few hours. Right now we both need to rest." He told me and I finally nodded and relaxed in the seat as he drove us to his house.

Isla was playing with Kayla outside on the lawn. She looked up when she heard the car pull up and she moved Kayla over to one side and watched as Jethro climbed out before helping me out. Jethro just silently led me into the house and we climbed the stair and into his bedroom. He went over and pulled out a clean pair of boxers and an old NIS shirt and handed them to me before he stripped out of his clothes and into his own NIS shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

When we were dressed in the comfy clothes we climbed into bed and he spooned up behind me and we fell asleep for a few hours.

I woke up with the sunset in my eyes and my head on Jethro's chest. I sighed with contentment and nuzzled farther into him. I felt his light chuckle and raised my head and gave him a mock glare. That caused him to lean down and kiss me softly. I kissed him back and laid my head back down on his chest, right over his heartbeat and brought my left hand up to play with his chest hair.

But something felt wrong; my hand was just the tinniest bit heavier than it had been when I first laid down in his bed. I shifted just a little and looked at my left hand. When I realized what I was seeing I gasped and lifted my head to look at Jethro.

On my ring finger was a beautiful ring. It had a real white pearl in the center and two smaller diamonds on either side of it, placed on a yellow gold. It was beautiful and I knew that once again, I had tears in my eyes. But this time my tears were from joy and not sadness. I kissed him softly before going back to look at the amazing ring, my amazing man slipped onto my finger.

"I bought this for you over six years ago. It was on the last day of the mission and we went out to lunch with different people and I decided to walk back to our hotel room and I saw the ring in a window and just thought it was perfect. At the time it wasn't going to be an engagement ring, more like a promise ring. I wanted to propose to you stateside and after the op was finished." He told her in a quiet voice.

"And now?" I asked knowing that he had left something out.

"And now I don't want to waste any time with you. I want to be yours and for you to be mine. So will you marry me Jennifer Shepard?" He asked pulled me closer to him so I could look him in the eyes without craning my neck.

"Yes." I breathed against his lips before I kissed him softly at first. But soon the passion grew and I once again found myself addicted to his kisses and his taste. Not that I minded, nor did I want to get over this particular addiction.

I had happiness back in my life. And I wasn't going to ever let it go again.


End file.
